Martina Jay

SCBI#62: Idols

Published 3 months ago • 4 min read

It SNOWED in the south of the UK this week! For those living in colder climates, this is NOT very common here and so it was very exciting for most of us, particularly the kids! Having grown up in Canada, I’m used to TONS of snow and the first year I moved to the UK it snowed about 1cm in Brighton and the whole city practically shut down! 😂 I thought it was a joke - absolutely hilarious how everything was shut down and buses weren’t able to run. And I got a day off work that year so hoorah!

Unfortunately this week it wasn’t enough snow to have the same disruption. Businesses and schools were still open but the magic of the light white dusting was there so we’ll take it!

Heard enough about snow? Ready to get on with it? Me too!

Is there someone you admire? Someone you think encapsulates the representation of the perfect human? Is there someone you idolise and place on an imaginary pedestal?

Most people do have at least one person like that that they look up to. Today, I'm going to give you a suggestion of what to do instead and explain WHY idolising a person might not be helpful for your confidence and empowerment.

Let me explain what is energetically happening when you idolise or admire someone to that degree.

  1. You are creating an inferior/superior relationship between you and that person.

    I know what you’re thinking here - ‘I don’t have a relationship with them because I don’t actually KNOW Brad Pitt in person.’ But we’re talking about the relationship as in how you affect one another. Idolising that person makes you get a sense of inferiority compared to them and paints them in a light of superiority for you.
  2. It makes it harder to truly connect with someone if you think of them as ‘perfect’ or entirely idolised.

    Just think of teenagers seeing or meeting their celebrity idol and they’re speechless and don’t know what to say because to them, that person is just so ‘untouchable’ compared to them. They can’t even imagine speaking to them, let along bring in the same room as them because they feel they’re in another league.
  3. It creates a feeling of ‘impossibility’ of ever becoming like them.

    They are just SO incredible that it’s basically impossible for you or anyone else to meet those kinds of standards. They will always be better than you and you will never be able to achieve what they have achieved.

So, instead of shattering your dreams and telling you you can’t have idols, I do think it’s powerful to look up to people but do it in a way that empowers you. Instead of idolising a whole person, start idolising their skills, personality or particular traits.

For example, instead of saying ‘Keanu Reeves is my idol’, I could think about admiring or idolising his kindness or compassion. I respect the level of kindness and compassion he shows even though he doesn’t need to with his celebrity status or financial freedom.

Or maybe you idolise ‘insert your current idol’ because they’re very bold and courageous with what they share in public.

Idolising 'parts' of someone does a few things:

  1. It makes them more ‘human’ and more relatable because you’re not seeing them as ENTIRELY idealistic or ‘better than you’ as a whole. You’re simplifying it down into parts so that it doesn’t feel like there is this gigantic gap between who they are/what they do and who you are or what you do.
  2. You’re not fooling yourself into thinking that a whole person is perfect or idol-worthy. We all have our ‘flaws’ (which is really what makes us so damn interesting and unique!) and when we create idols as a whole, we subconsciously trick ourselves into having this view that everything about that person is admirable. And, as we both know, that just isn’t possible. Perfection is subjective and you never know all the parts of someone so it’s a concept we can’t really conclude to.
  3. You are more open to the possibility that you could be just like them in terms of that trait you admire. (You don’t want to be like a person as a whole because you want to be yourself!) When you break the ‘idolisation’ down into the part you actually admire, you might even start to identify that you have some of this trait in you already and this makes you realise that you’re also pretty awesome and have parts that are worth someone’s admiration.

Even in people you might not like or get along with, there is often something admirable about them. Maybe it’s the way they are able to say no to you without feeling guilty. Maybe it’s the skill they have of being honest and not sugar-coating their thoughts or feelings. Whatever it is, there is something to admire in most people you meet - even if you don't want to admit it. 😉

If you want to have some fun with this, here’s an activity or a challenge for you to do.

Create Your Unique Idol:

Create your own IDOL! Think about the people who you have admired up until today and start picking them apart. Start taking the specific traits that you admire about each person and create your mish-mash of an idol!

Maybe they’ve got Maryl Streep’s acting talents, Marilyn Monroe’s hair, Sir. David Attenborough’s knowledge about nature, Ryan Gosling's washboard abs 😂 …who knows what you’ll come up with! But it will certainly be a list of qualities that you admire in others and most likely a very weird-looking idol! 🤣

In Summary:

The small change → instead of having idols, idolise the specific skills or traits within a person

The big impact → this will help you connect more with your ‘idols’, realise that they’re not worlds apart from who you are or could be and that you most likely also have some of these traits and feel more worthy and worth of someone’s admiration too.

PS - I have some open spaces for new clients this month. The smallest package starts at just £444 so if you are struggling with people pleasing tendencies, doubt your self worth and want to feel more confident and at ease being your real self, book in a free call with me and let's talk about where you are and where you'd like to be.

If you know someone that would benefit from reading this, feel free to hit FORWARD and send it to them!

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Martina Jay

Hypnotherapy & Empowerment | Mind, Body & Energy

So you want life to feel easier, more fulfilling and simply more enjoyable? You want to stop getting in your own way? You want to stop living your life according to other people's expectations and start discovering your own empowerment? Well, you've come to the right place! My newsletter, 'Small Changes, BIG Impact' is all about making life make more sense so that you can have a deeper sense of control within in. We know that life throws us curveballs sometimes but imagine being able to navigate the ups and the downs with more ease and confidence? Imagine feeling empowered, worthy and confident in who you are and what you are here to share? Allow me to help you on your healing journey through making small changes that create big impact. I show up in your inbox every Saturday morning at 9:55am BST. Never Spam, always insightful. | Certified Hypnotherapist | Master EFT/TFT Practitioner | Reiki Master | Master NLP Practitioner | Time Line Therapy Practitioner | Mum of Twins | Recovered People Pleaser | Former Perfectionist | Multi-passionate Manifesting Generator | Empowered Woman 💛

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